Speak, by Laurie Halse Anderson (1999)
Story Synopsis:Melinda has started her first year of high school all wrong. She called the cops on a big end-of-the-summer party and now everybody hates her, even her old friends. In darkly humorous first-person narration, she dissects the image of middle-class, suburban high school. Because Melinda is on the fringes she can see everyone else with more clarity than someone on the inside could ever see. Most of her teachers either have it in for her like the fuming Mr. Neck or ignore her most of the time. The only solace Melinda finds is in art class where there is no standard to live up to, simply the unthreatening presence of Mr. Freeman, the art teacher.
But Melinda has a secret about that end-of-summer party, one she has never told anyone and never plans to. Her silence eventually extends to all subjects and all people as she sinks further and further into herself under the pressure of her secret. She finds an unused janitor's closet and hides in there most of the school day, and she sleeps most of the time at home.
Toward the end of the school year Melinda finally finds her voice, and when she does she is finally able to say the one word to the one person she should have said a year ago: No.
Initial Response
The first three-quarters of this book were very difficult for me to read because so much of what Melinda said and felt mimicked how I felt in high school. I moved during the middle of my junior year of high school and, while I had never been too keen about the social aspect of school before, I absolutely hated everything about the new school. Academically it wasn't nearly as good as my first high school had been. I was immediately pushed into a social scene because I was an AP student and all the AP students - all twelve or so - hung out together. They were all rich, snobby and they hated me almost from the very first day, but because of the social rules at the new school we were stuck with each other. I didn't have any chance to meet any non-AP kids and I wouldn't have wanted to, anyway. I have always been quiet and shy, and have recently been diagnosed with Social Anxiety Disorder. High school was not a fun place.
In general I think Anderson did an excellent job of showing high school as it really is. There were some things that jarred with me, that didn't seem quite up-to-date. As far as I know, leggings went out of style in the early 90's and haven't come back, and yet page 69 says, "In perfect Martha style, she [Heather] wears a green sweater with a huge Santa face on it, red leggings, and fluffy boots. Too, too perfect" (Anderson 69). If I have it right, the Marthas know what fashion is, and what Heather is wearing hasn't been fashionable for at least ten years, possibly longer. I don't know much about fashion, but I know that much. Also, Melinda says some things that I associate with an older generation than mine or hers. For instance, she calls P.E. "Fizz Ed." The last time I heard that it was in the movie Grease. That one I'm willing to say maybe is dialectal; maybe they do say it in New York. The other thing I had a hard time with was Melinda's failing grades and willingness to skip class and things. I would think that if she really wanted to be invisible she would do her work and sit in the back and try not to cause trouble. That was my first impression of her, anyway. I guess if she was severely depressed she could get to the point where she just didn't care anymore, not even about her invisibility.
It was hard reading the first three-quarters of the book, like I said. It brought me back to high school, which is not something I like. I read it in three or four short sittings, and after each one I would have to go out walking or read a nice book for a while to make me feel normal again. There's just something about that book that dragged me down; it made high school real again. I don't think it would have made me feel any better reading it when I was in high school. I preferred, then, to read things that made me think of something other than my current situation. I read books about college kids, or escapist fantasy, or books from the canon that would be handy later on, I hoped. I did not read things that merely reiterated what I already knew - that this is how high school was and nothing could change it.
The last quarter or so of the book was easier. I could see change in Melinda, see her trying so hard to keep alive something within her. I could see her begin to think that she was capable of doing things, that she could institute change in some small way. When spring comes and she rides her bike, rakes up some leaves, plants some flowers, I see change. This part was easier, I think because I knew she was going to heal instead of break. Her friend Ivy starts talking to her again, and she does work - on probation, yes - at school. It is a start, at least.